


Dust to Dust (Til Death Do Us Part)

by Amusical



Category: One Piece
Genre: A Cannibal, A Daymare, A Horrifying mother, Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, And an extended family, Arranged Marriages, Asexual Characters, Asexual Relationship, Cat Person, Charlotte Katakuri is 16 feet y'all, Charlotte Linlin Deserves a Tag all on her own, Crack, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Dehumanization, Desert Strawberry, Disney Princess Vibes, Dwarves, F/F, F/M, Gen, Height Differences, Like 6 or 7 inches, Love Of Animals, M/M, Making her children feel bad about themselves, Marriage of Convenience, Multi, OC has like 9 siblings, Other, Semi-Crack, She's a nightmare, She's literally insulting her children in her thoughts, Singing, So tiny, Terrifying, That and praising them for being useful, The OC is a part of an OC Kingdom of Dwarves, This Is Sad, This is a One Piece remember?, Totto Land, Trolling, at first, dog person, guilt tripping, oh yeah, silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-05-23 03:30:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14926290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amusical/pseuds/Amusical
Summary: Katakuri of the Charlotte Pirates is arranged to be married to a princess of the Green Tea Kingdom. But what's this? Their Green Tea partners are a Kingdom of Dwarves! Follow Katakuri through his care free married life with an oblivious but adorable wife! How will he keep his secrets?! His privacy!? His sanity! Curse this marriage of pure convenience!





	1. A Finger in Every Pie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: A tooth rottingly sweet main character who's a pure ditz. (Or is she?) And like 6 and half inches tall. Although she doesn't appear until a few chapters in.
> 
> Casual depictions of cannibalism jokes. Not so casual depictions of cannibalism. Reveling in eating others.
> 
> Linlin has disturbing lines of thoughts. She also believes what she is doing is okay. Sees her children as mere extensions of herself which she can use and throw away at her dispense. 
> 
> Most of her thoughts about Katakuri in this story are literal insults. The other half is praising his pragmatism, and usefulness to her. 
> 
> It gets worse.
> 
> But there will be fluff. Can't wait for their married life chapters. Its going to be hilarious. Like one of those Disney princesses with an affinity with animals. Except mc will attract hatred from animals. Talking to them, and giving them nicknames like they weren't just trying to eat her...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~x~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Linlin could feel it coming upon her. Less of a sneak attack, and more of a build up of barely repressed desires. It was a surge of all her innermost needs and wants all rolled into one compulsion, and all that went with it. And what this meant was that it was now time.

 

Time for another one of her famous Tea Parties! Of course, it was a time to be merry. A celebration. Encouraged to eat your heart out. To eat to your heart’s content! She knew exactly what she wanted to have on the menu, too! Some mouth watering wa-gashi would be just perfect.

 

She could already taste it now. The different types of mochi and their sweet, sweet fillings! Oh, kashi, sweet fruits and, oh, nuts! Just thinking about it is enough to set her mouth watering, and the whites of her eyes showing.

 

Anmitsu, Youkan, Dorayaki, Kompeito, Manjuu, Dango, Kusa mochi, gyuuhi, Monaka! And more, more, more! And she couldn’t forget Daifuku and Amande! All delectable, all delicious! It was the perfect time for them to shine too. Oh, and Katakuri. Can’t have Wa-gashi without the mochi!

 

“Mamamama~!” She did her best mother fucking jig. She sung, she danced. With her homies following her lead. Maybe she’ll even meet her next husband at the next Tea Party! “Gather the people! Steal their ingredients! The theme for the next Tea Party is Wa-gashi! Call for the Ministers of Fruit, Flour, Beans, and Nuts! Whip up the cooks! Invite the guests! And what’s Wa-gashi without green tea!? Someone call for our partners in Tea!!”

 

“Because I believe it’s time. To. Strengthen. Our. Bonds! In Holy Matrimony! Mamama~!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~x~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Linlin had a lot of loves in her life, and many of them could be eaten. Others were of the variety that could give her amusement of the non edible variety. One of which was deciding the lives of her children for them. She found it absolutely delightful when the names of her children and future in-laws were a cute little match set. It was one thing to give her children the little pushes they needed to succeed in life, and it was a whole other business to have a hand in fate.

 

A finger in every pie what a lovely preoccupation it is to have!

 

At a first glance it seemed to have been a wonderful idea to marry her son, Daifuku, with one of their daughters. After all Daifuku went well with a nice cup of Green Tea! And it was a wonderful idea! Until she saw the utterly perfect child for her darling Katakuri. The daughter of the other King, aptly named Konacha, meaning dust tea. How thoroughly, unreservedly perfect for that lowly son of her's.

 

The kanji for Kona in Konacha, alternatively read as Ko, is the same one for flour. A match made in heaven for her Minister of Flour really.

 

Instantly she knew how deserving of each other they were. The tiny princess of a Kingdom of Dwarves and her sixteen foot son! How beautiful! How marvelous. It certainly made her tickled pink! How she could just laugh and laugh until her next snack time, and so she did! She wanted to share this hilarity with her children, and so she did! She wanted to sate her hunger with a soul tax, and so she did!

 

Her paradise, her Utopia, growing everyday, but it wasn’t nearly enough to satisfy her lusts. It was true she already had Dwarven citizens living in Totto Land, but this could be indeed be improved. Most of the Dwarves living in Totto Land were freed slaves, merely filling in the grand design. She wanted, no, needed more. She wanted Dwarves, free Dwarves, immigrating to her archipelago of their own free will. Wanted more of a taste of their souls.

 

She could admit that this marriage would practically be a sham, because it wasn’t viable for Humans and Dwarves to interbreed. She has tried in the past, none of which resulted in children. It was still necessary for her plans to come to fruition, however. If she wanted to see an increase in Dwarven citizens than she needed to make a show of goodwill.

And what better show of goodwill was there than a union between of two peoples? Interracial marriages? All you needed to do was come to Totto Land! Where love and a love of people flourishes!

 

Moreover, Katakuri was better suited towards this marriage of convenience than her Daifuku would have been. Daifuku would have been too temperamental, too rash, to deal with the diplomacy needed here. Especially with some of the more mentally challenged Dwarves. Some of their personalities were on the extreme side of naivety and childishness, likely to clash with certain personality types like her son’s.

 

Take Katakuri for example if he were to, say, accidentally step on his new bride, then he would at least have the presence of mind to sweep it under the rug enough to fool any visiting Dwarves. Daifuku not so much, and he wasn’t enough of a private person to not let it spread to where it could interfere with her machinations.

 

Oh, if only she could be even closer to her children. What she wouldn’t do for an ability to read their minds. Or an ability to control their every thought and every action. Not to say she wasn’t satisfied with her own ability to have domain over souls. Oh, no, she was very, very happy to have this ability to satiate her hunger in every way possible. She didn’t want to be seen as ungrateful to any higher power listening in on her thoughts. But sometimes a mother wants more for her children than she could naturally provide.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~x~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If no one gets the insults on Katakuri, I'll explain them here. 
> 
> She's insinuating that Katakuri is poor quality goods by saying they would be a good match, because Konacha is cheap. Not only is Katakuri, the dogtooth violet, his own name a dig at his looks. But Katakuri the flour is actually not made from the flower. Its an impossibility. 
> 
> Konacha or Dust Tea is pretty much tea made from left over tea leaves. It's also bitter. So she's thinking that they'd be a perfect match since he's bitter about his looks, but also that no one can ever love him for it. An impossibility. 
> 
> So she's setting him up to get married only to have a loveless marriage. She finds funny.


	2. Mochi and Cheap Tea Will Just Have To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big Mom personally talks to Katakuri about his role in the upcoming Tea Party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter involves more Big Mom. :(

“In recent years the power vacuum left in the wake of Roger’s death has created an opening for slave trade across the world. Formally hidden by Roger’s protection this enclave of Dwarves is a veritable treasure trove.” She gorged on sweets expertly crafted, it was finally snack time.

 

“There’s a lot to be said about that contemptible Gold Roger, but his death resulted in an opportunity that we can’t let slip through our fingers.”

 

“For this Tea Party it would be simple to take what is ours truly, but it is pertinent to stay our hand. The Dwarves have an innate green thumb that us humans do not have.” She paused, allowing the homies to serve her another cup of tea. “Our own Dwarves are not enough to produce this especial Green Tea in the quantities we desire. If we simply slaughter them all this strain may even be lost forever.”

 

“Katakuri.” Linlin looked down at her son. “I have decided on you to be the groom for this Tea Party.” She continued on without waiting input from her son. “The date of the Tea Party has already been decided, but perhaps a show of goodwill will further beholden them to us. In other words I would like for you to clean up the area around your future wife’s home island beforehand.” She grinned, and it was bloodthirsty. “As long as the Tea Party is on schedule you may take care of it as you see fit.”

 

“Of course, Mama.” his head dipped. “Your wish is my command.”

 

“I could lie and call this is a reward, but let us be frank with one another. With your accomplishments --normally-- it would not be necessary for you to involve yourself in a political marriage. Not only that, but also you have great responsibilities as both a Minister and a Sweet Commander.”

 

“Initially your brother, Daifuku, was going to be the groom. Previously, an association between daifuku and green tea held too great a significance to pass up on, however.” Linlin made eye contact with her second eldest son.

 

“The bride-to-be has caught my eye. Looks sweet as can be. Goes by the name of Konacha with hair the color of her namesake. The child would surely make the perfect addition to our family. With a name like that it would only be appropriate for my Minister of Flour to be the one to tie her to the Family. So mochi and green tea will have to do."

 

“Be happy your marriage ceremony will soon take place, and mochi is supposedly auspicious for such an occasion. So congratulations on your engagement.”

 

“Thank you, Mama.”  

 

“Oh, and Katakuri? Make sure to keep any scandals that might occur discreet.” Only then does she finish the rest of the food laid out before her, a clear dismissal.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This boy really doesn't need more insults. 
> 
> He's even thanking her for this opportunity. :/  
> And she just insulted him too.


	3. Interlude 1 - Somewhere underground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A snapshot of Konacha's life during all that's happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an introduction to Muzumi, a childhood friend to Konachan.

Wandering the halls of old hunts, mostly near the gardens, soaking up old memories for perhaps the last time. Idly Konacha wonders if she could get a quick snack. Now if only she hadn’t gotten turned around a few turns ago… Good thing she manages to bump into an old friend. “Muzu?”

 

“Kocha," despite the surprise coloring his words, Muzu doesn't look surprised at all. "What are you doing here?”

 

“Uhh…” She tries her best not to look suspicious, she fails. 

 

“...You’re lost aren’t you?” Muzumi pinches the bridge of his nose. “C’mere.” He starts pulling her along by hand.

 

“All your life…” He shook his head. “How can you get lost in your own home?” Without looking it was very obvious the kind of exasperated face her old friend must have been sporting. It was this sort of free and easy interactions she was going to miss the most. She almost regrets the decisions up to this point in her life. Almost. 

 

After getting Kocha back to where she needs to be, Muzumi lets her go. Pulling an apple out a front pouch, he wiped it off on a sleeve. “Here,” he says, roughly shoving the fruit at her.

 

'Aww…' Inwardly she thinks, 'He's being bashful.' 

 

“Thanks, Muzu!” Munching noisily, she gave him a toothy grin. “You’re the best.”

 

“And you’re disgusting,” Muzumi sighed. He might have been a little more mad at her for keeping him up, he had a job to do after all, but they’ve known each other since early childhood.  She got lost so often in her own home that it was almost a part of his daily routine to watch out for her.


	4. Back to Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katakuri's first day on the island. A glimpse at what he's like when he's alone on a new island.

Katakuri had a variety of secrets, and many weaknesses (a list that grows as his family does). A private person, who could also keep secrets. But he was also one prone to making mistakes when applied with pressure. Katakuri, the Minister of Flour and a Sweet Commander of the Charlotte Pirates, was also fond of donuts since childhood. 

 

Someone who despite living among an abundant number of subordinates, servants, and homies, no one has seen him eat since childhood. Or let down his guard for that matter. For the entirety of his life marriage has never been a topic occupying his mind unless it concerned one of his family. If he was not the Minister of Flour, and leader of Komugi Island, he might have been concerned with how to treat his future in-laws.

 

As it is Katakuri is planning to handle this situation like trading or business partners that all other in-laws he has had the pleasure of meeting. Katakuri knew his family was a bit strange in that they always keep marriage partners and in-laws at arms length. For his family marriage is simply a means to produce any desired children and expand their family. Although his own will be a political marriage with no other purpose to it, no end. 

 

Katakuri’s been caught flat footed here. If children are an impossibility? How will he know where it ends? For what purpose does this marriage solve? Other than to keep an alliance with a tribe of little people… 

 

His mother often enjoys obscuring the meat to her words, and discerning this meaning is much like peeling back the skin of an onion, and so there are many layers. At the outermost layer it could be said she merely wanted him to get rid of any slavers hunting Dwarves on the Island. Katakuri knew there was more to it. She needed him to be observant, and act on her behalf during his stay on the island.

 

On the off chance he may find insurrection within the Ryoku Kingdom; he would be there in person for its undertaking. Perhaps he would find reason to eliminate the royal family, leaving only the princess he was to marry. Intel on this matter, however, revealed that it was highly unlikely for a betrayal coming from the Dwarves. That did not mean there wouldn’t be other sources of trouble.

 

Nevertheless Mama gave her absolute trust to his judgment in this endeavor. Which could mean a diversity of possible resolutions to the problem Mama had given him. Ultimately, he was given this mission to decide what he wanted to do with her edict. In any way he sees fit. 

 

If his mother hadn’t put such emphasis on a union between Katakuri himself and the Dwarven princess, he might have taken it as an out. Discretion was something Mama had advised here, and it would be unwise for him to misstep. 

 

If it became too much of a chore to have someone else residing in his household; he could always arrange for an accident to occur at a time it would not appear to be suspicious.   

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Immediately, Katakuri knew what Mama really meant once he set foot on Chado*. Or more precisely its town. At a glance Tea Town seemed to be the Islands only sign of civilization, but it obviously wasn’t since they weren’t the Kingdom Katakuri was there for. It was obvious now how the true mission would most likely involve either intimidating or subduing the human kingdom on the island. 

 

An island divided could not come under Mama’s flag, at least, not easily. So it would rest upon Katakuri’s shoulders to persuade the island’s other kingdom into submission before the Tea Party. Either Chado’s king will attend the Tea Party, and offer up a member of his own family to expand the Charlotte Family. Or the number of nations residing within Chado will be reduced to one. 

 

Katakuri was not worried about being mistaken, or the possibility that he was on the wrong island. He has after all had a hand in trading with this island in the past precisely for the Green Tea his Mama so desires. 

 

Their elusivity was a well-known and common trait of the race. Often mistaken for fairies for this behavior, they revealed themselves only when they wanted to reveal themselves. Dwarves were only inches tall and exceedingly fast; it would not only be like find a needle in a haystack, but also annoying. If they were not there to meet him at the harbor than there must have been some reason for it. 

 

Viewing it as just another opportunity for Katakuri to indulge in one of his guilty pleasures. Even as he strolled through the streets perusing the island’s sweets, he kept an ear out for anything pertaining to his business on the island. Tea Town was supposedly an island wide city state comprised mainly of humans and fishman half-breeds. The island’s main exports were rice wines and an obscure but finely aged black raspberry wine found only in the cellars of Tea Town’s castle. 

 

What the island was most famous for was the coveted Green Tea that which was only recently uncovered to be owned by the invisible Kingdom of Dwarves. This discovery was once concealed when Roger flew his flag, and rediscovered by slave markets after the former Pirate King’s death. Mama had been most displeased by this duplicity. The only thing saving the humans on the island from Mama’s wrath was a technicality. Mere tentative trading partners, the false Kingdom of Tea were not yet flying under Mama’s flag through a marriage of alliance. What happened here would depend on the current King’s willingness to yield.  

 

It was only late at night after booking a room, generating a mochi room within a room, and eating his collection of sweets did Katakuri give himself time for introspection. Leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed Katakuri glared at a wall that had done nothing wrong. Feeling a bit tired from having to come home from a mission to immediately embarking on this new one. The fact that there were not many accommodations for humans his size in Tea Town did not help matters.  

 

Katakuri was, of course, more than a little frustrated, and droopy eyed. He was also reluctant to admit that the future felt uncertain in such a way that it made him plain uncomfortable. Suddenly in his life there was an obstacle in the way that he couldn’t simply brute force his way through. Now after wandering the streets of a foreign city all day Katakuri nonetheless felt additionally neglected, and unsure on how to proceed from here. 

 

Should he go looking through the forest tomorrow? Ambling around like a long lost puppy was of course unappealing to him. Moreover, it rubbed him the wrong way, not able to guess at the immediate future. However, stomping through the woodland would surely catch someone’s attention and quickly, considering his stature. 

 

Remembering what Katakuri saw of the treeline, which had towered over his sixteen feet, but did not appear to be untamable. Eventually a series of disorientating images and incomprehensible concepts overtakes Katakuri in sleep. Regardless before Katakuri realizes he’s blinking rays of the morning sun out of his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this is an arranged marriage, and Katakuri certainly doesn't want to get married. Mind that it'll be a few chapters until he starts to think of it as anything other than an obligation. 
> 
> Also he's a pirate that's not a strawhat.
> 
> *The name of the island is a pun in Japanese. Cha-to or Tea Island is a pun on Chado or the Way of Tea. It could also mean Master of Tea ceremony, so the humans who named the island were really big headed for people who didn't grow the tea themselves. Although they did learn how to perform tea ceremony generations later, after the fact.


	5. His Back Against the Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It finally hits him. His thoughts on the matter...

Sunlight streams in through the window just so, catching motes of dust off guard, and Katakuri is reminded of his boyhood. Of lazy mornings, living in a dream world, doing nothing but watch dust float. As the haze of sleep withers, Katakuri notices the window drapes that are not his.

 

He’s never been so reluctant to start the day. Never been so hesitant to say goodbye to sleep.

 

Inhaling through his nose, eyes closed, Katakuri wishes he were home. Because then he could pretend he could sleep in bed five more minutes. How much he wishes for one day where he could take it slow.

 

Katakuri wakes to another day with his back against the wall.

 

Could he care to admit that he balks at the thought of his mission? He craves for home, for the streets of Komugi Island. Yet. Why would he also rather have this quiet morning drag out forever?

 

Katakuri does not have the words for what he’s currently feeling. All he can say is that there are too many crack in the ceiling above him, and how the sheets beneath his fingers feel utterly wrong.

 

Katakuri remains frozen, sitting there with his limbs half asleep. The thought of having to sleep where someone could just walk in on him has always been unbearable. And that’s when it hits him.

 

He doesn’t want to get married. He doesn’t want to let someone in that he doesn’t have to. Doesn’t want to open his doors to a stranger. ~~Doesn’t want to go against Mama.~~ Doesn’t want to think these damning thoughts. To ask these questions, of whether or not -- Katakuri will be able to sleep with a stranger in his house.

 

Suddenly the sun becomes too bright, no longer sleepily dancing along the dust in the air. He uses an arm to block out the light. And for a moment Katakuri can just breath again.

 

But that’s the problem isn’t it? A moment’s not forever, and for once he’s not sure of the future. This terrifies him.

 

He deals the only way he knows how: by getting lost in a city he doesn’t know.

 

Food is the last thing on his mind, just the endless, winding streets Katakuri can lose himself in.

 

“Something troubling you?” Somebody whispers to him, from his left.

 

Which is nothing strange in itself, he’s met all kinds of people on his travels. Except for the fact that he’s currently in town, and his left side is faced with a stone wall.

 

Peering to his left Katakuri finds a hidden compartment built into the stone wall of the building which happens to be nearby. He surveys the impossible; a seamless chunk of stone hangs on invisible hinges like a door swinging open. Inside is kindred to a dining room stolen from a high end dollhouse with a splash of a lilac motif. Dressed in a magenta dress of lolita design is a little person adjusting what could have been a toy tea set.

 

Going by the aroma alone, it smells like coffee, and he has to wonder if there’s some ulterior motive to meeting like this. Still though the little person with the mulberry colored, ringlet of hair, must be someone important he supposes. If they’re meeting him like this to throw him off his feet.

 

“Would I be right to assume you have business with me?” He says distractedly, enchanted by the sight by his feet. From the ground up, a replica of her table is being built right before his eyes, worked on by little craftsman.

 

“Right to business? That’s a little cold isn’t it? Here, let me introduce myself.” Hand on heart. “Fifth princess of the Ryoku Tribe, you may call me Sumi.” Sumi gives him a subtle smile.

 

Soon enough a cup of coffee is in his hand, and they’re left alone in a semblance of privacy. How more appropriate is the saying ‘hedges have eyes, and walls have ears’ than here on this island with people not even a foot tall.

 

“But you are correct in your assumption, Katakuri-san. There is something you could do for me.”

 

“Yes?” Katakuri starts to pile multiple sugar cubes into his cup of coffee, with a splash of milk. He doesn’t drink or eat in the company of others, but the motions are soothing just the same. He crosses his legs, holds up the tea cup, and settles in to listen to what else she has to say.

 

“My little sister is your betrothed, Katakuri-san. If not love I can only hope for my sister’s happiness. Remember that despite leaving this place will always be my sister’s home.”  

  
“On a lighter note since we’re going to be family soon, I’ll give you a piece of advice,” Sumi nonchalantly voices. Oh? Is she going to threaten him now? Katakuri can’t decide whether to quantify her as brave or stupid.

 

“The King of Tea is a weak man. He may give you some initial push back, but he’ll eventually cave, however. The crown prince, Musu, is a much more narrow-minded person,” says the little person without the least bit of irony coloring her words.*

 

“Prince Musu is of the opinion that rule under Big Mom is unfavorable. The possible threat of catching Big Mom’s eye has pushed forward his plans of toppling his father’s rule. His judgment is so impaired in fact that he plans to interfere during one of the peace talks between you and his father.”

 

Katakuri has nothing to say, merely raises a brow, inviting her to continue.

 

“A source of scandal for his father, and a pest for our tribe; it’s not exactly a secret that his cousin, Prince Ito, is our favorite next in line for succession. It would be easy for the crown prince to fall victim to an unfortunate accident.” She pauses, and he squints.

 

Was she offering or asking a favor of him?

 

“Regrettably, Prince Ito believes himself to be indebted to the crown prince, because of an incident that happened in their childhood. In the likelihood that his cousin asks this of him prince Ito would not deny him. As a source of amity between our people Prince Ito’s death would be a waste, and may lead to a forestalling of future relations.”

 

“If Prince Ito were instrument in a rebellion against Big Mom his death would be imminent. There’s not much you can do or say to change this.”

 

“Aa. You misunderstand me, Katakuri-san.” She poured herself another cup, stirring. “I am merely asking you to take prince Ito into consideration when dealing with our wayward Musu.”

 

She stares into the porcelain cup in her dainty hands. “But make no mistake Ito’s death would not inconvenience us too strongly.” Taking a sip, she sighs at the taste. “However that doesn’t mean a hassle could have been avoided if he were to stay alive.”

 

“Certainly, having to do damage control with the big people would waste our precious time better utilized in growing and providing tea for your family.”

 

It’s not a threat, not an outright one at least, but Katakuri knows a thinly veiled ultimatum all the same. Not even enough of a threat to register on his radar, so he’s going to reserve judgement on this one. And unless there’s a bare-faced betrayal of the Ryoku family against the Big Mom Pirates only time can tell what will happen here.  

 

“I’ll put your suggestion under consideration, but it depends on the actions of the prince.” Which is enough of a concession as it is. “So no promises.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey anyone that knows Japanese... When Sumi says narrow-minded person she uses a word with the same spelling as little person (Dwarf). It's read entirely different, but would it still be funny? 
> 
> It wouldn't be a pun, but would it be ironic?


	6. Interlude 2 - A Tail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was someone following Katakuri.

Tatatata went the sound of someone slight running lightly. A petite girl dashes around corners, trying her best to get by unnoticed. For the most part she was successful, and anyone looking would only see a blur of white. Easily mistaken for a small cat or perhaps a rodent. Even so the sight wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for Tea Town with it’s population of half-feral animals.

 

Kasumi was beset with the important (and self-imposed) task of tailing someone throughout the town. A stranger to Kasumi, yes, but she already knows him. Or at least knows of him. At least she thinks this is the correct man. One of the only few humans on the island this size, and she believes in her sources of information.

 

Pulling out a folded piece of paper out from somewhere, she unfolds it, and compares the picture to the example. Pink-purple hair, long lashes, scars, and an ugly mug semi-covered with a scarf that was simply atrocious. Other than word of mouth Kasumi can confirm his identity as Charlotte Katakuri a member of the Big Mom Pirates. Typically, Kasumi would already be suspicious of someone of such notoriety skulking on her island. Now?

 

Now though Kasumi is observing this man and looking to ascertain his character. She knows that whatever brief perusal she can put him through would be shallow, but the true purpose of this exercise is to satisfy her curiosity. Ascertain his worthiness for her Ladyship.

 

But really what can she do?!? Kasumi is powerless in the face of this adversity. Ultimately, the decision of Lady Kochan’s marriage is out of her hands. She can’t control her life. She can’t save her even if she needed saving. And this Kasumi doesn’t even know.  

 

Her inability to do anything does nothing but frustrate her. Kasumi is just so-- Unintelligible noises bounces around in her skull. Taking out of the handkerchiefs Kasumi keeps for just this purpose, she gnaws on it. Tears of vexation escape her.

 

Kasumi wanted to give him a piece of her mind. How she wanted to bite her thumb at him. Give a curse upon his house! Wait, no! She takes it back. In the coming days her Ladyship would be a part of his detestable household too.  

 

Already her viewpoint of him is tarnished by his occupation as a pirate, this scoundrel of a man, who does his mother’s bidding. Kasumi knows better than anyone of the reliability of a reputation, but she can’t help but believe in the rumors of a ruthless and heartless man.

 

Scrutinizing him for his entire first day on the island Kasumi discovers nothing of importance other than the man’s eating habits. She almost leaves, because this is clearly a waste of her time, a time she can better spend with Kochan. But the key word here is almost.

 

Despite the man’s propensity for street food Katakuri does not actually eat anything. It's not something immediately noticeable, but it quickly becomes obvious when his arms become laden with baked goods and sweets. His queer eating habits are strange, but not a cause for complaint.

 

At the same time Kasumi both wants to and detests finding a reason for concern.

 

What could possibly come from Kasumi running up to Kochan and telling her her husband is despicable?

 

Other than, other than… To make Kasumi _feel_ better?    

 

She shouldn’t be so selfish, Kasumi knows this, but she can’t stop this feeling. Her _heart_ _beats_ , and it's like _her_ _soul_ will burst. She can’t stand this, this _utter_ _devastation_. Once again she’s helpless in her inability to have control over her life, _to save those she loves_. Her Lady played a part in saving Kasumi, but Konachan is not her only obligation to this tribe. _She can’t leave yet_. And it _hurts_ , and _it_ _ruins_.

 

She can only want to scream, but it’s not enough.

 

The man is under Kasumi’s vigilance for all of a day, and a little more. The next day he does nothing but roam the streets like a lost puppy. There’s no perceptible reason, not one Kasumi can decipher anyway, but in a way _he reminds her of_ …

 

Shaking her head to clear it, Kasumi continues to follow him until the man encounters Sumi-sama. It's only then she leaves, so she won't step on any toes. Still the situation continues to bother her, but she has the bare bones of a plan already in the works. On reflection, Kasumi decides, this excursion was not a waste of her time after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a tumblr for this. Send me an Ask on:
> 
> isthiskonachan.tumblr.com


	7. Fairyland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katakuri's first glimpse of the land of fairies.

Katakuri was glad that he decided to go to bed dressed last night or else he might have been upset at the invasion of his privacy. Not that he didn’t sleep in his day clothes outside his own home anyway, but he was someone who bathes behind a mochi screen even back at the archipelago. He did not react well to surprises involving the invasion of his personal space.

 

Hence his discomfort with the little person currently standing on the spike of his left knee like it was a particularly pointy stage. With long black hair and a pointy nose, and her current attire, she looked like a mini nadeshiko. 

 

She introduces herself as his fiancee’s eldest sister, Yu.

 

“Head towards the north east forest,” she said, before jumping away. Compared to yesterday this little person is much more cold, but then again after their conversation, Sumi had disappeared without telling him where to find anyone else. He can’t help but feel a little deserted. 

 

Still Katakuri gets up to follow her, but not before donning his cloak. To get to the north east forest he still needs to go through town, and he’s supposed to be incognito for his stay here. Quickly striding through town he heads in the right direction, but not before snagging a quick breakfast. Maybe he could eat it when no one was looking. 

 

At the edge of the trees Katakuri found the eldest sister waiting for him. “Come along,” she beckons him, and he’s reminded of his own elder sister. As children Compote may have only been a year older than him, but when they were young she used to like shepherding the triplets around. So lost in earlier memories and companionable silence, it was only after she spoke that he noticed their arrival at a large clearing. 

 

It was like stepping out from the mundane world and into a place outside of time. 

 

Soaking in the sights and sounds of the tiny people working and otherwise going about their day as normal around him. Katakuri can see why Dwarves were oft mistaken for fairies of the forest. Working alongside the fair folk were critters of the forest of all sizes seemingly walking side by side of the inhabitants. It was like a daydream, a satire of his mother’s own ambition.

 

“Charlotte Katakuri. Welcome to Saki-mura where no human has stepped place into since Gold Roger’s death.” Without prior knowledge that Dwarves were a thing and his otherwise reticent guide Katakuri could have sworn he had wandered into an otherworldly village. “Be honored to have this concession bestowed upon you.” 

 

Carved into the surrounding forest was evidence towards their craft; into the various stumps and living trees, stones and the very ground beneath his feet. Katakuri was within the boundaries of a living, breathing land. He would have to be blind to miss the parallels to his own realm.

 

“A tradition of our tribe is for the two of you not meet until the promised day, so Konacha will not be around for the duration of your stay here with us.” Meeting his bride-to-be was not a priority, and it wouldn’t be a problem unless this was all a lie for the bride to make an escape. Although if it were true Katakuri would most likely take a turn from being this island’s protector to being its destroyer. 

 

Katakuri nodded along to his guide’s words, noting the little things about Saki-mura. Little ones could be seen to skip and dance in contentment and gaiety. A number of youths braided flower crowns made from freshly plucked wildflowers.

Even as he watched neighbors whispered sweet nothings to home gardens and flower beds, quickening their growth. There was only one thing he was disappointed not to see, and that was the fact that the vegetables and fruits being grown were not likewise miniscule. It would have been a sight to behold; a doll-like people eating mini strawberries.   

 

So enraptured was he by the bewitching sight that he did not notice his chaperone’s absence until she appeared at his elbow. Quite literally. It was more than a little rude to keep on materializing on people’s body parts like that. 

 

“The King will see you in a moment.” It was then that Katakuri saw his cicerone alter her previously neutral expression. “While we wait -- how about I regale you with our nation’s history?” He got the feeling she was trying very hard to be hospitable.  

 

The change in her countenance was so minute that Katakuri found himself wondering if his fiancee was the same way. Katakuri hoped not, it would be annoying always having to guess the mood of someone he had to live with.

 

“In a time long, long ago -- in this land we call our home -- big humans arrived in their ships. Forlorn and downtrodden the humans had nowhere else to go, so with compassion in our hearts, we invited them to settle down within our lands. 

 

Our ancestors and the big humans exchanged goodwill with one another that day. We partook in alcohol for the first time, and we shared with them a drink of our own. Once the hot drink passed their lips they exclaimed:

 

‘Oh! We know what this is! It’s green tea, and such good quality drink it is too.’

 

Although our realm was founded long ago we were still new to the world of big humans. Back then trade sounded foreign to our ears. We had no use for human currency, and so the big humans offered to be the middleman. Trading green tea for imported goods, we faded into obscurity, just as the kingdom of big humans grew in esteem.” And here soft lips, twisted disdainfully. 

 

“Our relationship with the big humans in our own home soured, and surely you know of our propensity towards innocence. We were taken advantage of for generations until Gold Roger opened our eyes, and took us under his wing.”      

 

“I know this is improper to speak of without the presence of my king,” she bowed deeply at him. “But I implore you, as one older sibling to another,” Katakuri gave her the side-eye. He didn’t blame her for the blatant manipulation, it reminded Katakuri of his own protectiveness. “Not only am I entrusting you with my younger sister, but also with the protection of my people.”

 

The first princess was soon replaced by her father, the King. Hisui, his future father-in-law, and wasn’t that weird to think about. The barely six inch tall man seemed barely ten years older than Katakuri himself, and was much more laid back than his eldest daughter. Wearing a jade colored summer yukata, Hisui looked like a porcelain doll with jade hair and eyes. If the older man stopped moving Katakuri could be tricked into believing him to be an exquisitely done, yet detailed doll, not living flesh.

 

“By entering into this alliance with your family I have hopes that my people can once again sleep soundly, without fear of being forced to separate from their loved ones.” Katakuri had the suspicion… that he missed the beginning of this conversation. 

 

In the end, nothing out of the usual occurred, and dialogue between the two of them went quite expected. Katakuri dealt with the whole affair like he would a trading partner who was slightly too forward and informal; with finesse. Though Katakuri was successful in creating a profile for the King of Ryoku. Hisui was a thoughtful man, and shown care to be at least polite with Katakuri if not formal with him. He also seemed genuinely interested in strengthening their association. 

 

Thankfully it was decided that Katakuri would spend his short time there in Saki-mura. He dreaded the possibility of having to go back into town, and spending the night in too tight quarters. Although he wasn’t too sure where in the village he’ll be staying. Conceivably camping underneath the stars tonight. 

 

There was a distinct lack of baked goods in the village as far as Katakuri could see, but the selection of fruits was fairly sweet. Actually the fruit grown by the little people was of a quality not found in any of Chado’s list of goods to be exported. Perhaps Katakuri can persuade them to part with some of their supply when he leaves.   


	8. Jungle Gym Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A cute short of what Katakuri acts like in the face of tiny adversary. Or Katakuri becomes a jungle gym for tiny children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the short chapters, but I have a bunch of plot bunnies for other stories.

Later that same day Katakuri has to admit, he’s never been in this situation before. Katakuri has always been the unapproachable type since no one has ever seen him smiling. Or more like half his face is constantly being covered so no one can see him smiling.

 

Strangers are prone to avoid him at every possible turn. Children sometimes even cry at his approach, he is over sixteen feet tall. So his current situation is not a normal one.

 

Nor would it be a leap in logic to say that he’s a bit disgruntled at being used as a jungle gym. He doesn’t even have any goodies or sweets on him like his older brother would’ve so he doesn’t even know what they’re there for. 

 

Not really knowing what to do, Katakuri simply takes it. Goes still like an inanimate jungle gym for children not even a foot tall. Completely still he tries to think of ways to make them get off of him.   

 

Should he gently brush them off like they were bugs that he didn’t want to hurt? Actually now that he thinks about it some of them probably were bugs. Certainly didn’t feel like a super small child’s feet crawling on him. 

 

Katakuri doesn’t know what to do about this remarkable position he’s in.

 

Not even when one yells in his ear, and another throws leaves in his hair. Or when another declares him to be a most ancient and especial tree they must defeat to save the dragon. Nor does he know what to do as the village children acts out epics in his name. 

 

All he can do is cross his arms, and pretend none of this happening.

 

Katakuri is simply sitting criss crossed applesauce on the forest floor. There are no leaves in his hair or twigs in his clothes. No children talking nonsense or using his shoulders as a bridge. Definitely no mysterious movements in his clothes either. There is absolutely nothing strange about this at all. 

 

He has simply become one with the forest. In fact Katakuri is so zen with the entire situation that he even dozes off, lulled to sleep by the breeze, and the background noise of children playing. 


	9. Interlude 3 - Don’t even joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing some of Konacha's younger siblings.

 

“Haha! Try and catch me, risu~!” A pink-eyed, fluffy-tailed boy raced through the halls, books held aloft.

 

“Momo, you little brat! I’m gonna get’cha!” His older sister ran after him, messy green hair trailing behind. He knew she needed the books back, so she could pack them up, but… He wanted to be that little brother who everyone could rely on to be annoying at opportune times. 

 

“Haha! As if!” So instead he picks up the pace, the palace hallways rushing past.

 

Her books! Seeing him pull further ahead she pumps her tiny legs faster, speeding up. Just so Konacha could turn his chubby cheeks into the color of his namesake. 

 

For Momo, he makes the mistake of turning a sharp corner while distracted, and peers back at her. “You can come and kiss my furry, little-”

 

The feathery russett of nut-brown hair crashes into the fluffy brown of a kit’s down. “Oof,” Momo couldn’t stop the sound that escapes him. 

 

“Watch where you’re going ya stinkin’ rodent.” Kitsune glowers down at Momo, who sprawls from the collision. 

 

“Owie.” He sits up, rubbing where the back of his skull made contact with the ground. “Wah! Kitsune!” Little brother tears up, the crybaby. Whatever, Kitsune thought he needed to lighten up with the crocodile tears anyway.

 

“I’ll have my revenge, risu~!” He disappears around another corner this time making sure to look before barreling around it. Scoffing Kitsune turns just in time for greenish-yellow eyes to meet with Konacha’s orbs of dark green tea leaves. 

 

“Hey,” Kitsune’s voice softened. “I-” They gulp audibly. “Call me every chance you get.”

 

“Hey…” She responds in kind, voice affected. “Don’t talk like that,” Kona tests, unsure of what to do or say here. “...I’m not gone yet.” Still not yet a goodbye. 

 

“...Dumby.” Kitsune retorts, but fondness laces their words.

 

“Are you going to be there for the happy day?” She leaves the looming threat left unsaid.

 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, idiot.” The fact of it was the entire royal family was invited to the Tea Party, and nobody dares deny Big Mom. At least not anyone still among the living.  

 

Although nobody's disagrees with the alliance, not even Konacha, nobody wants for Konacha to have to be away from the family. An opportunity to be free from the slavers that plagues their nation even ‘til this day? The Tribe couldn’t afford not to take it. But still it grates. Their big sister didn’t need that. She shouldn’t have to be in an arranged marriage. But the alternatives…  

 

“The whole family will be there,” they sigh. “If not the entire Kingdom.” Then when the full implications hits a grimace graces Kitsune's features. “Ugh. Two Kingdoms worth of people, not just ours.”

 

“Can you imagine it, Kitsu? Double the pranking possibilities. Maybe you’ll even find a way to cooperate with Momo.”

 

“Don’t.” Kitsune held up a finger. “Even joke about that.”

 

“Hah.” There’s a certain joy to be found in the rivalry between her siblings. Chiefly in their antagonistic ways in regards to merry making, each unable to agree on their application. 

 

“I’m also sure you can be sly, and find an opportunity to slip away.” Her eyes twinkle, dancing with mirth.

 

“Ugh, I wish. We’ll probably have to walk in public. Where everyone can see, and gawk at us,” they scoff, rolling their eyes. “Big Humans.”

 

“And stop with that attitude,” Kitsune crossed their arms. “I wanted to be the one to cheer you up.”

 

“But,” Kona chuckles, and gave them a kitsune-eyed smile. “You’re already cheering me up though. I’ll call, I promise. Anyway,” leaning back on her heels, Kona hummed. “Who else will listen to me complain about truly horrible books?” 

 

Kitsune rolled their eyes. “Or listen while you wax poetic about stories you’ve yet to write.” 

 

“Exactly!” Konacha grinned toothily, cheering. 

 

“Aha!” Kitsune spun around on a heel. “There’s that beautiful smile.” 

 

“But nee-chan... I’m curious about the weather in Totto Land. Wonder what it will be like on your special day?” Exclaiming, Kitsune points out. “Maybe there’ll even be a kitsune wedding!” Kitsune laughs, finding much too much amusement in their own joke. If it sounded a tad hollow to the both of them, nobody mentioned it. 

 

“Aahh! Your joke is too cold!” Kitsune’s love of foxy word play... They weren’t bad per se, just over done. Although, Konacha thinks, Kitsune’s own smile was a treasure all on its own.   

 

“Your face is smiling!” Her younger sibling taunts. 

 

“I know! Vexing! Though!!” Kitsune receives a playful slap to their shoulder, and they retaliate with a push of their own. 

 

“Kitsutsutsu!” Thank you, Kona for that perfect setup. “Don’t you mean vexin’(vixen)?”

 

“Ahh!” She throws up her hands, fighting a smile of exasperation. “You--!”

 

“Me. I'm the greatest, I know.” Kitsune haughtily laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anybody know what fandom I'm alluding to with Kona and Kitsu's interaction?


End file.
